farewell: .posted by ben on Aug 16 at 20:59


to prove I'm a nerd: .posted by ben on Aug 13 at 13:42

I was just daydreaming... and I realized. In The Phantom Menace, toward the start of the movie, the two Jedi are trying to get into some room and one starts cutting with his lightsaber... and I was thinking... wouldn't a real jedi do the open sesame thing?

You suck George Lucas.

a note: .posted by ben on Aug 13 at 01:11

I'm a beatnik now... at least I've decided to dress as Mike Myers interpretation thereof. I have also embraced the writing style of Celine... again... until I get bored with it again... and I fully appreciate apple turnovers.

Did Mishima off himself because he didn't win the Nobel in 1968?

Graham got a new camera.: .posted by ben on Aug 13 at 00:59

It'll be light soon... I'll find the world then.: .posted by ben on Aug 12 at 04:45

Almost 5 now... I finished that Ann Patchett book, but it's kind of stupid... read Bel Canto instead... Uhh... I should sleep. I want to go for a bike ride, but it isn't light yet... I also realized I haven't eaten in 10 hours... yay.

I also realized someone might think I find that woman smoking below attractive and posted those pictures for that reason... oh no... I find her scary... in the I'm trashy and hot, but not quite sort of way... it's something about trying too hard... and the vapid stare doesn't help... eyes must sparkle!

I misplaced the world: .posted by ben on Aug 12 at 03:35

It's after 3... people are looking at wasabi and I'm looking at the logs... Who are you? Do I know you? Why are you awake? Your IP has been logged and tracerouted... and I still don't know anything... so bored...

Ich bin der Welt abhanden gekommen: .posted by ben on Aug 12 at 03:17

-Gustav Mahler

Pound was sane.: .posted by ben on Aug 12 at 02:58

A Poem for Speculative Hipsters

He had got, finally,
to the forest
of motives. There were no
owls, or hunters. No Connie Chatterleys
resting beautifully
on their backs, having casually
brought socialism
to England.
  Only ideas,
and their opposites
he was really

-Amiri Baraka

We believe in nothing.: .posted by ben on Aug 12 at 02:42


eloi eloi lama sabach-thani: .posted by ben on Aug 12 at 02:32

Only Barabbas was left hanging there alone, still alive. When he felt death approaching, that which he had always been so afraid of, he said out into the darkness, as though he were speaking to it: -To thee I deliver up my soul.

-Lagerkvist, Barabbas, pg. 144

detonate that: .posted by ben on Aug 12 at 01:37


"Nothing exists; all is a dream. God--man--the world--the sun, the moon, the wilderness of stars--a dream, all a dream; they have no existence. Nothing exists save empty space--and you!"

-Twain, The Mysterious Stranger

truth be told: .posted by ben on Aug 12 at 00:21

I'm trying to worry about this shit... why can't I write... why is everyone such a prude... that sort of thing, but truth be told... I don't really care... my mind is still hovering on the unhealthy and pointless.

I been writing, trying to learn the vernacular and so forth. Rodney read over the Celine coffee shop pastiche. He told me I write well, which isn't exactly what I was looking for. Lauren thinks I need to describe people and places more... but I'm not sure that's what I'm after... it's more interesting to hear what people say than learn the grotesque shape of their nose...

Incidentally... two incidents of recent prudery struck me... Collin's disgust at the topic of chest shaving... broached slightly in the Celineness ... then his (and her) subsequent disgust at the inevitable topic of genital shaving... this prudery cannot survive in my revived old Boulder! ... forward the revolution... forward the foundation!

Oh... second incident of prudery... when I was getting ditched after the movie thus spake Lauren... Collin would take her home and then... and I quote... visit... for a while. Visit? What does she take me for? They're going to visit... come on... we're all vague approximations of adults here... you're going to make out... and if you had any sense have sex... that's what you do in your bedroom with your boyfriend... at least that's what ought to be done...

Really though, I don't feel this outrage... I don't really care... it's only easier to worry about this than the yawning void that is my own life.

Il Postino... where that old women laments the seduction of her daughter with metaphor... well, I agree, but for artistic reasons... metaphor should be banned.

smoke a blunt up in this joint?: .posted by ben on Aug 11 at 23:34


the world: .posted by ben on Aug 10 at 22:03

Something needs to be done about these pretty couples in restaurants... looking sincerely into each other's eyes... holding hands... quietly discussing matters that seem incredibly important to them... but to me... a gentle passerby... don't matter at all. Something needs to be done.

Ugly Little Muscular Men: .posted by ben on Aug 10 at 17:17

Apparently there're a bunch of rules up at Betasso now. Mountain bikers can't ride two days a week and the rest of the time they are required to go around the trail the stupid way... There might be signs... I didn't notice them. The first mountain biker I passed politely suggested I go the other way round the loop. I said I preferred the fun way and continued on... Then I rode and it was pleasant... until at the very end I passed one of those spandex clad mountain bike roadie hybrids who think fun involves measuring body fat with pincers.

He told me I was going the wrong way... I mumbled things which were not words, but more annoyed sounds and rode on... he screamed at my back about how I was ruining it for everyone.

In short, Betasso has been taken over by roadies. I fear Walker may have suffered the same fate... I'm thinking I might check on it tomorrow.

In the meantime... I'm going to revive the old Boulder... all by myself... the good Boulder where cars yield to pedestrians... where people who claim to be Buddhists don't give me shit for being a vegetarian... where women who claim to be feminists don't laud genital mutilation in the name of cultural relativism... where the coffee shops are attended by bright eyed boys waiting for Ginsberg to fuck them... and so forth...

The purpose of wasabi...: .posted by ben on Aug 10 at 12:21

While wasabi is useful to smear all over your body when it's cold... it also serves well as a forum for me to complain about people.

The great mystery in my life recently has been the question of why Vicki hates me. The last time I saw her (Saturday before last at Hapa I believe) she was friendly and suggested we watch a Bunuel movie. That never happened... and now it's been over a week since I've seen her... though on Saturday I sent her some email asking what I had done... no answer.

But... I've got a theory... there's this thing I wrote a while ago... that's kind of Vicki based... and it's on the web in all its error prone glory and maybe she found that annoying... that or it's bunnies.

The interesting part is that I don't care... it's fun as an exercise to guess why Vicki refuses to speak to me... but, I'm not certain it's had an serious effect on my life.

I've also... oh nevermind... I was going to say something profound about feminism, but then Rob called... looking for Lenny... sure... and now I'm thinking about how much I dislike Lenny... and I'm going to read Ann Patchett, because then women will love me... and lay off on the Philip K. Dick...

Everyone is stupid: .posted by ben on Aug 10 at 02:31

...no, really. The vast majority of people are near average... which is to say very, very dumb. Tonight, I think the most annoying bit was Stephanie and friends arguing incoherently in favor of specialization... I say: engineers need to have art forced on them... otherwise the world they create will not be worth living in.

Likewise, those in the arts need an education in the sciences... lest their arguments become devoid of all logic and reason. Balance is both important and neglected.

And when these things all fail... Meredith ends up talking about how great Kierkegaard is without understanding the fundamental tenet of his philosophy... namely the utter inability of man to function without the constant interference of god... and it's not like she believes any of this... oh no... it only sounds neat... and we all know that's what is important... that ideas have some vague verbal appeal... whether they are logically consistent... or useful to living... those are problems for someone else... because she is a specialist.



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