Goethe the Toothless Cynic: .posted by ben on Jan 10 at 02:34

My room is filled with shit. I'm tempted to go back to Collin's (my) house rather than stay here and attempt to deal with the piles of shit. There's a foot high stack made up entirely of computer cables. I don't know what they go to and I don't care.

I have two new servers, but I can't figure out how to get them working. I'm currently thinking I'll install an old OS so I can use my old config files. I don't know what they were thinking changing the DNS and Apache syntax.

Pool is quite boring.

I bought a first edition of A Heart Breaking Work of Staggering Genius. I'm not sure how that makes me feel about myself... though not good exactly.

I ordered three Springer books on SVMs. They are quite yellow.

UML is more boring than pool.

Allende: .posted by ben on Jan 9 at 11:59

Abeja blanca zumbas -ebria de miel-, en mi alma
y te tuerces en lentos espirales de humo.
Soy el desesperado, la palabra sin ecos,
el que lo perdió todo, y el que todo lo tuvo.
Última amarra, cruje en ti mi ansiedad última.
En mi tierra desierta eres la última rosa.
¡Ah silenciosa!
Cierta tus ojos profundos. Allí aletea la noche.
¡Ah!, desnuda tu cuerpo de estatua temerosa.
Tienes ojos profundos donde la noche alea.
Frescos brazos de flor y regazo de rosa.
Se parecen tus senos a los caracoles blancos.
Ha venido a dormirse en tu vientre una mariposa de sombra.
¡Ah silenciosa!
He aquí la soledad de donde estás ausente.
Llueve. El viento del mar caza errantes gaviotas.
El agua anda descalza por las calles mojadas.
De aquel árbol se quejan, como enfermos., las hojas.
Abeja blanca, ausente, aún zumbas en mi alma.
Revives en el tiempo, delgada y silenciosa.
¡Ah silenciosa!
-Pablo Neruda

Faster... more deadly than before.: .posted by ben on Jan 8 at 16:18

I just ordered an aluminum Bianchi Pista, a Thompson stem and seatpost and a new Sachs chain. I intend to pay for these things with student loans because I am a moron... but at least my bike will no longer creak.

Carbon Fiber Gloves: .posted by ben on Jan 7 at 12:42

gateway to the west: .posted by ben on Jan 2 at 00:57

Stuff went here, but the computer ate it and I forgot what genius I typed... watch Happenstance... it's full of happy lies.

Blogs need more offensive personal details.

A few nights ago I spent several hours writing long letters to various friends... however, given my lack of an internet connection I was unable to send any of these letters... when morning came around sending them no longer seemed a good idea... so I blather on about them here instead.

I'm using NCSA telnet... It brings me back to the good old days. Apparently control is mapped to something from within the telnet client... this makes it very hard to save in emacs... and there's no insert key, which makes it very hard to use vi.

Tommorow I intend to buy some Horowitz. He showed up in a Murakami book I was reading on the plane here... that got me far too excited at the time... good thing I was the only person in the row.

I need to do several months worth of coding in the next 5 days or so. If I can make myself start it ought to work out ok... but it's so terribly boring.

Mad Holiday Potpourri: .posted by ben on Dec 25 at 23:40

reading too much huxley: .posted by ben on Dec 21 at 11:05

I have decided that all the books I have read could be put to one grand use, which I might even be good at. I could make toasts...

To the existence of a loops and recurrences... may the universe be a feminist daydream, infinite in all directions.

It sounds kind of grand, though more than a little bit delusional, right now at any rate.

I hold the postmodernists responsible for the stains in my shirt.: .posted by ben on Dec 15 at 18:55

I know where I'm going to live.: .posted by ben on Dec 9 at 02:00


I want to be drunk like Dylan Thomas.: .posted by ben on Dec 6 at 03:16

"The monks told me that God had created the world for his glorification. That didn't seem to me a very worthy object. Did Beethoven create his symphonies for his glorification? I don't believe it. I believe he created them because the music in his soul demanded expression and then all he tried to do was to make them as perfect as he knew how."

-Somerset Maugham, The Razor's Edge, pg. 277

it's quickly turning into a bad night.: .posted by ben on Dec 6 at 02:56

Virtually everyone in middle America believes they know about grief. They have their petty little problems, girls who don't love them, failed careers and cars they will never own...

Virtually no one bothers with the more fundamental issues... The logical contradictions innate in the existence of a benevolent god, the transitory nature of love, the inevitable erasure of all beauty, the impending doom of existence itself... These things bother no one. A few philosophers (the ancients would be severely annoyed at this usage) claim they know about these things, but even Heidegger did not understand.

To look into the void is to be destroyed. There is no looking in and recovering to live the life of the ubermensch... Da sein is the end.

I want a seat at the Algonquin... to talk with the modernists about beauty.: .posted by ben on Dec 6 at 02:55

jack: .posted by ben on Dec 6 at 02:22

I wish it were morning. I would stumble up to the hill and eat a cheese blintz alone.

Ironically, seeing people with lives more pointless than my own is in no way reassuring. I wish I could take heart in the folly of others.

I wish love weren't ultimately vulgar. I thought my razor was my phone for a moment.



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