Something Colorful:


Note how the art (below) is dark, disturbing, all those wondrous things that art is supposed to be. Now look at Alley Baggett (what a terrible name). Look at the coconuts of all kinds. Look at the stupid, dazed, finger sucking look. The art is appealing because it is sad, makes one think a bit, that sort of thing. The pornography is appealing because it is indicative of complete and total brain death.

Which is more appealing, brain death, or morbid sexual desire, and why does everything I write seem so trivial?

Something Not Colorful:



The question has resurfaced. How much money is enough, and how much of life should be devoted to chasing money as opposed to more direct causes of happiness. I am a computer science major, if things had been otherwise, and I wasn't worried about indefinitely depending on my parents, I would probably be an architect. So, apparently money is more important to me than a career I would be completely happy with. Hell, I wouldn't so much mind being a writer for that matter, not that anyone would want to read what I wrote. If one is rich enough that doesn't really matter. Look at Floyd's recent albums if you don't believe me. Pure, unadulterated shit, and they don't care because they have lots of money.

Would it be worth it to mortgage me future for possible benefit now? I seem to have done that, certainly I did so last semester, my grades are evidence enough of that. I have never been able to put enough effort into things I hate doing (school) to manage something reasonable in everything else. So, here I sit, stuck in a house with my father, hopefully it won't be this way in five years.

Replacement Idol:


I'm Afraid of Americans .

Johnny wants a brain 
Johnny wants to suck on a Coke 
Johnny wants a woman 
Johnny wants to think of a joke 
Johnny's in America 
Johnny looks up at the stars 
Johnny combs his hair 
And Johnny wants pussy in cars 

-David Bowie

Good Poetry, Porn, Ben's Ramblings:

Ah stupid men, unreasonable 
In blaming woman’s nature, 
Oblivious that your acts incite 
The very faults you censure; 
Which has the greater sin when burned 
By the same lawless fever 
She who is amorously deceived. 
Or he, the sly deceiver? 
Or which deserves the sterner blame, 
Though each will be a sinner: 
She who becomes a whore for pay,
Or he who pays to win her?
		-Sor Juana



I saw a program the other day that said the shape of the human (female) breast imitates the shape of the buttocks. This is not true of other primates whose breasts are only enlarged when they are being used. Supposedly the constantly enlarged breasts of the human female are an evolutionary response to our unusual mating position.



New thought... As far as my sexual depravation goes, I can think of one stunning example. I seem to hate blondes. All blondes. I just don't seem to be attracted to blonde women. I blame this on the 80's, all the blonde jokes must have done something, and Cindy Crawford seems like the epitome of sexuality now.

Then again, that girl from Dune is quite attractive. (scroll down if you have no idea what I'm writing about)


I was wandering around the web searching for websites on sexuality in an attempt to convince myself that I am not a pervert. Instead, all I have succeeded in doing is confusing myself. I ended up at a site on fetishes. This is apparently a fetish. The gas mask fetish? Go check it out here if you don't believe me.


I haven't really come to any new conclusion on the matter of my potential perversion, though I do have a new desktop background of Jenny McCarthy wearing a gas mask. I have a hard time branding myself as a pervert for looking at porn. I looked at an online here. I answered yes to two questions out of 20 or 30. Most of the signs of pornography addiction seemed quite foreign to me which I guess is a good sign. However, for admitting that sexual frustration probably affects my school work, the test advises me to study my sexual mess. I guess I'm doing that, so I'll keep on telling myself I'm healthy.

It took me years to come to terms with masturbation and random sexual thoughts. Now that progress is threatening to go away. The entire sexual revolution will go up in a blaze of flame due to the transgressions of a bunch of fundamentalist Christians.

Which brings me to the divinity of Christ. Think about it a bit. An Omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent being transmogrifies itself into a male human who goes around fucking things up for a few years until the Romans kill him?

As cool as the pale wet leaves
	 of lily-of-the-valley 
She lay beside me in the dawn.
-Ezra Pound

President Elect:

"The legislature's job is to write law. It's the executive branch's job to interpret law."

—Austin, Texas, Nov. 22, 2000

"They misunderestimated me."

—Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000


Maybe I need a new car. After all, my Porsche is 25 years old. Yes, a nice 1935 Rolls Royce Bentley. This is exactly what I need. Dependable transportation all the way.


Pound Gives Good Juju, Bad Translation:
Blue mountains to the north of the walls,
White river winding about them;
Here we must make separation
And go out through a thousand miles of dead grass.
Mind like a floating wide cloud,
Sunset like the parting of old acquaintances
Who bow over their clasped hands at a distance.
Our horses neigh to each others
	as we are departing.
-Li T'ai-po, trans. Ezra Pound

Apathy is what sets humans apart from other animals.

Stile Sux:


I seem to have some sort of an odd love affair with science fiction. I just spent the last four hours watching truly mediocre science fiction in the form of Babylon 5 movies. The Gathering, which appears to have been the first episode of Babylon 5 is truly god awful The characters are all impossible to empathize with, and ugly as well. At least if the characters are attractive, one doesn't worry about bad acting, or plot for that matter.

Dune, on the other hand, was quite good. The original movie was more than a bit confusing, but the recent Scifi Channel miniseries was some of the best science fiction I have seen since Star Trek went all to hell with Voyager, or perhaps Deep Space Nine.


The thing I don't understand about Dune, is if Paul can see the future, why can't he see a better future than starting a war? One would hope that such knowledge could be used to prevent wars, not just win them. So it goes...

I realized today that Dune is at least partly responsible for my fucked term paper. I watched the series, then went to Amazon to order a shitload of books. I took them up on their free shipping, but apparently if one does that, then Amazon doesn't split orders up like it usually does. So, the tesuji books I ordered at the same time didn't arrive before the 10am Saturday due date of my paper. That might well not have mattered anyway, the project was flawed. I planned on computing the 4d Fourier series for go tesuji, but only knew how to compute 2d series. My Fourier book wasn't particularly helpful either. Such is the way of Tao.

Those two actors look so sexy, even with the whole blue eye spice thing going on. Why can't I be left with some dramatic purpose such as saving a world? Instead, I'm stuck with the more mundane goal of getting into graduate school.

This brings us to ben's list of places, in order of preference, to go to graduate school. No good schools need apply, since ben won't apply. Washington has the best VR program in the country, Michigan the best AI program in the country, Urbana sometimes ranks as the best CS in the country, Texas and USC are fairly good, and I hate CU, but will probably end up there regardless. Such is the way of the Tao?

University of Washington | University of Michigan | University of Illinois, Urbana | University of Texas | USC | CU



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